73 Things I’ve Learned About Baby Sleep

I’ll cut right to the chase. Understanding baby sleep is a beast! It is by farrrr the biggest challenge I didn’t expect as a new parent. There are hundreds of things to know about baby sleep that I wish I learned before having my first baby.

The nursery is beautifully decorated. You receive every item on your registry. The birth is magical and ethereal. You have the most adorable baby clothes picked out. BUT, if you don’t have any knowledge of the windy road ahead called sleep, you’re in for a rude awakening.

The good news is that if you’re reading this article then you’re already leaps and bounds ahead of me.

If you don’t plan to read the entire list, here are the top 10 things I wish I knew.

1. Baby sleep is not linear. It is unpredictable.
2. Babies aren’t born knowing how to sleep without support
3. Newborns will only want to sleep near a caregiver. This is normal
4. You will be more tired than you’ve ever been
5. Babies sleep a lot but not in long stretches. Read up on sleep cycles
6. It’s hard to “sleep when baby sleeps”
7. Learn to swaddle before bringing baby home. Read about safe swaddling
8. Continuously educate yourself on baby sleep. It changes as they grow
9. Sleep training is optional. If it doesn’t feel right. Don’t do it.
10. Trust your instincts as a parent. Always.

Co-sleeping: Sleeping in sensory proximity to your baby or young child

11. Co-sleeping can be done safely
12. Educate yourself on HOW to safely co-sleep
13. Co-sleep does not mean bedshare. Read about bedsharing even if you DON’T plan on sharing
14. The “side-car” is a wonderful option
15. I feel more closely bonded to my baby after bed sharing
16. AAP recommends room sharing for at least the first 6 months
17. Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding easier (for me)
18. If it makes you or your partner nervous, don’t bedshare. Being on the same page is essential
19. There is no shame in safely bedsharing
20. There is such a thing as a mini crib. Look it up!

Wake Windows: How long baby stays awake between sleeps

21. Newborns are usually only awake for about 45-60 minutes then need to go back to sleep
22. As babies grow, the wake windows get longer
23. By 3 months of age the wake window jumps to 90 minutes
24. All babies have different sleep needs including sleep patterns
25. Wake windows are guidelines but are usually pretty spot on
26. Wake windows help parents make sure baby is tired enough before the next nap
27. It helps to build sleep pressure
28. Keeping a log or downloading a sleep app helps keep track of windows
29. Prepare baby for sleep before the wake window ends
30. Go with the flow. Outings, family visits, & holidays will all mess with the windows

Sleep Training: Regimens used to adjust a child’s sleep patterns

31. You don’t have to sleep train
32. You can’t force anyone to do anything, even sleep
33. Can affect child/caregiver attachment
34. Baby’s temperament may not allow for training
35. Not safe to do before 4 months
36. There a MANY methods of sleep training
37. It’s sometimes as hard on the parents as it is on the child
38. If it goes against your instincts, don’t do it
39. Baby will learn to sleep on their own even if you don’t train
40. What worked for your friend’s baby may not work for yours

Sleep Associations: Anything the baby needs in order to fall asleep

41. Lovey or teddy bear | Really only safe to leave in the crib after 1 year of age
42. Pacifier | Not all babies take binkies. We tried literally 8 and my baby never liked them
43. Rocking | There are tons of rockers out there but I’d much rather have a Glider chair
44. Bouncing | The only way my baby fell asleep was if we bounced him on a yoga ball
45. Nursing | There is nothing wrong with nursing your baby to sleep if that’s what they need
46. White noise | It helps to drown out other noises and you can take it with you when traveling
47. Patting | Gently patting a baby’s back mimics the sound of mom’s heartbeat
48. Music | Some babies love lullabies either sung to them or played through a device
49. Parent Proximity | Babies need to feel safety in order to fall asleep and they typically feel safest when a parent or caregiver is nearby
50. Thumb sucking | Comforts baby and is always available

Interruptions: These will happen ALL. THE. TIME. Even when you think you’ve got baby on a good sleep rhythm/routine an interruption is inevitable.

51. Teething: This can start as early as 4 months and last through age 1
52. Sleep regressions: These typically happen at 3, 6, 9, 12, and 18 months
53. Growth spurt: Babies can have growth spurts which make them hungrier and sleep less
54. Too hot or too cold: If the room or their clothes affect their body temperature they won’t sleep
55. Tummy ache/gas: If baby hasn’t been burped or they have a tummy ache, they won’t sleep
56. Room light: Sometimes babies need really dark rooms in order to sleep well
57. Holidays: There’s a holiday almost every month but Holidays really become an issue around Thanksgiving and Christmas because baby is out of the house and thus off their schedule
58. Outings: Even when baby has an established sleep schedule, it will bump up against your need to go out and about. Just roll with it
59. Family and friend visits: Of course, they’ll want to see the baby and spend time with baby as they grow and on occasion that visit will collide with a nap or baby’s bedtime
60. Life changes: Moving, changing jobs, marital status change, death in the family, pregnancy and so on. Babies are incredibly Intune with their surroundings and know when a change happens. Do your best to keep consistency but give yourself grace if their schedule is off until life settles again.

Swaddling: A blanket or similar cloth wrapped snuggly around baby’s body

61. Learning to swaddle will help baby sleep in those early months
62. There are numerous types of sleep swaddles
63. Swaddling should stop when baby starts to roll over
64. The Velcro swaddles seemed best for us
65. If done correctly, swaddling doesn’t harm baby. Do your research
66. It reminds baby of being snuggly in the womb
67. Swaddling correctly takes lots of practice
68. It’s frustrating! At first for caregiver and baby will struggle
69. Baby may cry at first but that doesn’t mean they hate the swaddle
70. Labor and delivery nurses will show you how to swaddle in the hospital if you ask

Sleep Cycles: The cycles a baby goes through relating to different sleep stages

71. Newborns shift from 2 sleep cycles to 4 cycles by 4 months of age
72. Sleep cycles affect how long baby naps and how long they sleep at night
73. There are ‘non-sleep training’ strategies that can help baby connect cycles and sleep longer

Final Thoughts

What a long and sometimes daunting journey it has been as we learn to navigate the world of baby sleep. There are wonderful days where baby naps peacefully and sleeps long stretches at night. There are also days when baby naps for 20 minutes and wakes up right as I sit down. Go with the flow. Follow your biological instincts. The more you ignore them, the more they fade. Respond to baby in a loving way even when they wake every 2 hours to eat. Your baby can and will sleep through the night even if you do not sleep train.

And remember, most adults wouldn’t want to cry alone in a dark room all night with no one responding to their cries for help. Neither does your baby.