Every pregnancy is different. That goes without saying. This article simply expresses what I wish I had known before getting pregnant and is in no way meant to be medical advice. If you have concerns about your pregnancy, please talk to your healthcare provider. Now that that’s out of the way, lets get to the juicy stuff.

1. Conceiving Can Be a Challenge

You can’t get pregnant any day of the month. Contrary to what I was told my entire life, you can’t just get pregnant because you have sex. It doesn’t work that way.

In order to conceive, you have to be ovulating. Ovulation only happens when a mature egg is released from your ovaries. It then has to travel to your fallopian tube and waits to be fertilized. Here’s the kicker, the egg is only viable for about 12-24 hours. When I found this out (coughs, at 33) I was shocked. Now, if you are reading this article then you are much smarter than me and likely already knew this critical piece of information. I naively thought that sex= baby, and that’s it. Anytime, anywhere. Well not anywhere but you get the point. THANKFULLY, sperm can stick around for 3-6 days and try to get that egg fertilized. Phew!

Equipped with this new and complicated math problem, my husband and I decided to buy an ovulation predictor kit on Amazon. I won’t go into the math on the specific (tiny) window of day each month we had to conceive but I will tell you that the ovulation predictor worked for us on the 2^nd try. Some women try for years and have an even harder time trying to conceive. So, no, sex does not automatically equal pregnancy. There are many other factors to consider.

I chatted with a few friends who shared their remedy for conceiving but it just seemed complicated. Calendar method. Randomly trying. Just simply going off birth control. Monitoring discharge for thickness and color. Missionary position. Putting your legs up in the air for 10 minutes immediately after sex. I am a control freak and needed our method to be more calculated. The ovulation predictor was the right method for us.

2. “Morning Sickness”

Where do I even begin with the morning sickness. The movies have all lied to me, and you too for that matter. Morning sickness is not reserved for morning and it doesn’t always start as soon as you conceive.

Morning sickness can happen ANY time of the day. It is absolutely not reserved for the morning. I was not sick in the morning but got really nauseous after eating lunch and dinner. So nauseous, in fact, that I would have to sit down or lay down on the floor in the middle of dinner. And here’s the kicker…I wasn’t vomiting my head off. Wait, what? Morning sickness doesn’t

always mean that you have your head in the toilet for 4 hours a day? Nope. The best way I can describe it is having constant motion or sea sickness.

Also, the morning sickness didn’t start until week six. I thought I was in the clear! I thought I was going to be one of those women who didn’t have morning sickness their entire pregnancy. Boy, was I wrong. It started in week six and was consistent or worse through the end of my first trimester. I was prescribed an anti-nausea medicine by an ER doctor which worked mildly. I was later prescribed a B12 by my midwife. Hallelujah for that medicine because it was the only thing that curbed the sick feeling. (I lost weight in my first trimester because I was so sick and didn’t want to eat for fear of getting too nauseous. (This of course is not healthy for me or baby so I am glad my mid-wife was able to help.)

3. Vaginal Discharge (not pg-13)

The discharge is real. Why didn’t anyone tell me that my private parts would become a constant dripping faucet? The discharge started in my second trimester and never stopped. I thought it would be random but it’s everyday and almost all day. It’s a clear odorless liquid but it’s still obnoxious. I had to start wearing liners in my underwear.

At first, I thought it was a weird fluke so I talked to my midwife and she confirmed that the small amount of discharge I was experiencing was normal as long as it’s odorless and isn’t accompanied by itching or blood. She also told me that the leaking would continue even after baby was born. So, you mean this is my new state of being? Why was I not informed? Apparently, Kegels help control leakage and continence post baby birth but still, ew!  Your body will do strange things once you’re pregnant and this is just one of many.

4. Baby Kicks  

Baby kicks feel like muscle spasms not like actually kicks. I would call it a flutter.

So, I thought baby’s first kick was going to be definitive. Bruce Lee in my abdomen type kicks. Meaning, I would know that was a baby kick. I wasn’t sure it was the baby until the sensation kept occurring. It feels more like a muscle spasm in your lower abdomen. Or like someone is running their hand along the inside of your stomach and creating a ripple effect. Like a tiny butterfly flapped its wings and you felt the ripple. It’s a beautiful and amazing feeling to have this tiny human growing inside of you. The flutters are confirmation that “holy crap, there really is someone in there!” As they grow in size, those kicks WILL turn into baby Bruce Lee though. Stop you dead in your tracks!

5. Heartburn. The Bottom Level of Dante’s Inferno 

The heartburn is real. I mean like an inferno in my esophagus. Even with Tums the heartburn would not stop. The 3^rd trimester was almost unbearable.

The only things that helped were:

• sugar free gum
• blanched almonds
• almond milk

The heartburn gets progressively worse. Now, keep in mind that there are some women who never have an inferno in their throat. You may be one of these lucky women. I was not. It got so bad during the third trimester that It woke me up from being dead asleep. Not even kidding. It felt like someone lit a torch and threw it into my mouth.

Supposedly sleeping on your left side helps relieve it. Sleeping slightly reclined. Eating almonds and avoiding spicy food should help. By the 3^rd trimester these remedies no longer worked. I would literally be walking around my house (standing straight up, mind you) and my heartburn would randomly kick in. Not eating anything spicy, not laying down, just walking.

It does get worse at night. Like clockwork, around 9:30pm my body would start to burp and from then on, the heartburn goes in waves until about 2am. My bedside table has water, a giant box of tums, and almond milk. Sometimes I would get up and pace the house because the heartburn would not let me sleep. Add this to the list of reasons I wasn’t sleeping well.

6. People/Family Will Get on Your Nerves

Planning for a baby is just as stressful as planning a wedding when it comes to family and close friends. Your family has their own ideas about how you should plan and prepare for baby and how you should parent. I always said that weddings bring out the worst in your family because they want you to do what THEY want at YOUR wedding. The same is true for having a baby.

We know that people only want to help. The best way to help is to tell the parents they are doing a wonderful job and support their decisions even if you don’t agree.

So listen. I am not here to put anyone down for sharing their desires or wishes for my baby. It’s a wonderful gift that so many people want what is best for baby. It’s also annoying when it’s constantly verbalized in a critical way. As the parent, you know your baby best and you know what is best for them. When someone tries to overstep the boundary line to tell you what you SHOULD do after you’ve expressed what you’re planning to do, they need to back off. The same as you should have the type of wedding you desire; you should also be able to (safely) raise your child the way that you desire.

It’s my opinion that people’s inherently selfish nature takes over at major life events.

While the advice and the suggestions may be well intended, they are not always meant to be shared. There I said it. Keep your unsolicited parenting advise to yourself. If and when a new mom/parent needs help, they’ll ask or heck, they’ll just Google it.

The Alternative Argument

I know the alternative argument. “It’s naïve to think that you don’t need peoples advise as a first-time parent.” Here’s the thing, I do want the advice but what I don’t want and won’t tolerate is being told what I must do or what I should do. No one gets to determine that but me and my spouse. I am unapologetic about telling people that what worked for them may not work for me and that has to be ok.

Keep in mind that new parents are constantly getting conflicting advice. One person says take the newborn out and about so they can build their immune system. The VERY next person says the baby shouldn’t leave the house for 2 months because their immune system is so weak and you’ll expose them to germs they can’t fight off. Did you see that? Do you see why new moms don’t want unsolicited advice? The singular person giving the advice can’t see that the parent had already received hundreds of tips from others and 100% of it conflicts with the preceding advice. It’s overwhelming.

And finally, ASK the parents how you can help. Advice may not be needed. They may just need someone to sit next to them and let THEM vent or cry.

7. Body Changes. Like, Weird Ones

Your body is so different. You will be constipated. Your bones will ache. Your vision will blur. You’ll have random muscle spasms or ‘charlie horses’ in your calf muscles. You won’t see your feet or vagina for several months.

I knew that my belly would get bigger for obvious reasons. What I didn’t know was that because of the pregnancy hormones your body releases, your digestion will also slow which causes constipation. Also, your immune system is suppressed in an effort to keep baby alive so you’re more susceptible to sickness.

Your nails and hair may grow wildly faster than ever before. You will certainly have to pee more frequently. You will know tiredness like you’ve never known before. I mean like falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. Your bones will ache, specifically your hip bones as you get closer to delivery day. As baby gets bigger, they’ll push up into your ribcage and cause some discomfort. You will have gas. Gross I know but that’s real life, ya’ll. It’s like your body takes over itself and you have little control over what it does to prepare for baby. Kind of amazing actually.

8. Weight Gain

You can eat healthy and control your weight while pregnant.

I always thought that you had to balloon once pregnant and that terrified me. I put on more weight than I wanted to and even obsessed about it at first but in the end as long as baby and mom are healthy then it’s ok to get a little juicy. If you are intentional about what you eat and continue (or start) to exercise you can have some control over your weight. I read somewhere that you only need about 300 extra calories a day for baby. Talking with your provider is the best way to determine a healthy weight for you and baby.

Keep moving even if you just go for a short walk or walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes. It’s so important for controlling weight gain and for keeping you and baby healthy. I found pregnancy yoga videos on Amazon Prime, went for walks around my neighborhood, kept lots of fresh fruits and veggies around the house for snacking, and tried to keep stress low.

9. How Can I Love Someone I’ve Never Met?

If you’re like me, you will be so in love before you ever look into your baby’s eyes. He’s not even here yet and I already love my little bean so much. We feel so grateful that God allowed us to conceive and carry this baby as long as we have. I had no idea that my heart would burst with love for him while he is still inside my womb. I know a lot of women struggle with infertility and I sincerely wish for them a happy healthy baby, whichever route they take in order to experience the love of parenthood.

10. Uterine Fibroids

Apparently, a lot of women have uterine fibroids but they don’t always interfere with their pregnancy or their ability to conceive. Unfortunately, that was not the case for us.

I had no idea what a fibroid was until my first ultrasound. I had incredible abdominal pain and didn’t know exactly why. (We’d taken a home pregnancy test that was positive but hadn’t yet gone to the doctor to confirm through a blood test so we assumed it was baby pains) I went to the ER because of the pain and they confirmed, yep, you’re 6 weeks pregnant. Yay!

Ok but wait, you also have a sizable fibroid on your uterus. Instant fear. What’s a fibroid was the first question out of our mouths. What does that mean for baby? What does that mean for carrying full-term? Will it always be painful? Will it get bigger? Can I or should I have it removed? So many questions and so many unknowns.

Now that we’re at the end of our pregnancy we know that:

• Fibroids typically do the most growing in the first trimester. Mine grew from 4cm to 7cm
• They are (usually) non-cancerous
• If they are posterior and exterior like mine, the baby’s growth should not be impacted
• Fibroids can grow inside your uterus or on the outside
• They can impact your ability to conceive
• It can be painful but by the beginning of the second trimester mine was no longer painful
• They are fed and grow from estrogen which your body is producing a lot of if you are pregnant
• I was transferred to the Maternal Fetal Medicine division of my hospital because of the fibroid. This is also where high-risk moms go.
• Extra ultrasounds may be necessary in order for the doctors to monitor it for growth and impact to baby
• Talk to your provider if you have questions or concerns about uterine fibroids

Extras:

1. Sleeping on your left side is recommend. You’ll have to adjust to not sleeping on your back or stomach anymore. I was a stomach sleeper and that won’t work after 1^st trimester for obvious reasons.
2. Glorious insomnia. It’s real ya’ll. For some reason in my 3^rd trimester, I could not get comfortable and could not fall asleep. Once I did, I had to wake up to pee.
3. People will start telling you how many children you should have even before the first one is born. Sigh. Just smile and say we’ll decide what’s right for our family.

Final Thoughts

I would do it all over again because I love by bubs so much. I can’t believe how incredibly in love with this little guy we are. Every time he moves, kicks, and hiccups, I smile because I am so grateful that God allowed me to carry this life inside my body.

There are so many things I wish I knew before we got pregnant and these are just a few. The main thing I want to communicate is that even with all that I wish I knew; I wish someone would have told me that my body is incredibly strong and so is yours. Happy Baby Bumpin’!