Never in a million years did I think I would be pregnant during a freaking pandemic. Maybe you have a crystal ball and can see the future but the impacts of this virus hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. I knew that being pregnant would be a challenge. I didn’t know that I would carry new life while the world is overtaken by a deadly virus.

Let’s talk about the difficulties of being pregnant let alone during COVID-19. If you are pregnant now or gave birth last year at the height of this thing, my hat is off to you.

1. External Stresses

The hardest part of being pregnant during a pandemic is the external stress. As if we need one more thing to be concerned about. Now we have to worry about contracting a potentially fatal virus. Here’s a short list of things most pregnant women are concerned about when there is not a pandemic going on:

1. Exercising regularly
2. Baby’s health
3. Weight gain and body image
4. New food restrictions
5. Varicose veins, hemorrhoids, and constipation
6. Labor and delivery
7. Nesting and preparation
8. Skin, hair, and body changes
9. Partner, lack of a partner, or lack of familial support
10. Sleep and insomnia

NOW, add to the list political stress, racial tension, financial concerns, AND potentially contracting COVID-19.

In light of keeping my stress low for my own personal health and the health of my baby boy Nolan, I have opted to stop watching the news because it raises my anxiety. I will occasionally turn on the radio as a way to stay informed, listen for a few minutes then turn on music that makes me feel happy and at peace.

Burying my head in the sand is not the approach I’m going for.  But, rather a limiting of external stresses that cause me to feel anxious. Your baby can feel when you are stressed and overwhelmed. Stress has an immense impact on our minds and body’s and too much negative stress can impact the growth and development of your baby’s little brain. I want Nolan to feel safe and have a peaceful experience inside my womb.

Trying to keep stress low is not only good for you but it helps your baby grown to its full potential. So be unapologetic about taking actions that protect your own mental health.

2.My Biggest (Pandemic) Fear

A fear that I currently possess is being forced to receive a newly developed, newly accelerated vaccine. This hasn’t been a concern for the past generations of American mothers. I intentionally call this a fear since it’s the emotion associated with my belief that this vaccine could threaten my individual rights and choices for what to put in my body.

While I may not be directly forced to take it, my ability to travel outside the country, open a business, or visit public places could be halted if I haven’t been vaccinated. So, I am then faced with the choice to get vaccinated or limit what I am able to do with my life.

I am a person who proceeds with caution regardless of the situation. So don’t misinterpret my fear as someone who is “anti-vacc.” I am not. What I am though, is pro informed consent and not willing to put something in my body that could potentially have adverse effects on the baby.

Safe For Pregnant Women?

The concern is when the term “safe for pregnant women” is used with something that has only been out for a few months. Does this not raise a small red flag in your brain? My question is how do the experts know it is safe? Obviously, it’s not being tested on pregnant women nor should it be. At this stage I can only safely take Tylenol and Tums. Does that not beg the question why something with so many unknowns has been so quickly deemed safe?

Anything new will come with unknowns, which is understandable! We cannot, however, throw caution to the wind and blindly follow advice because we are so eager to get back to the way life was before the pandemic.

It is my job and responsibility to do everything within my power to protect my child. That includes properly researching and being cautiously skeptical about new vaccinations.

The approach I take to getting vaccinated is the same approach I take to everything in life:

• Ask one million questions
• Be a skeptic
• Do your own research
• Then, and only then, make an educated and informed choice

It’s important to not let society or social media bring shame for the choice you’ve made for yourself, your body, and the safety of your unborn child.

Do what you think is best but I am worried about the impacts of the vaccine.

3. The Challenges of Quarantine

One of the hardest parts of being pregnant during a pandemic is that you don’t get to spend time with your friends and family. This should be one of the most celebrated times in your life. When the pandemic first started there were no lockdowns, mask requirements, or social distancing. Restaurants and parks were open. In Washington State as of June 2020, all of that changed. LOCKDOWN became a household term, schools closed, and toilet paper flew off the shelves. Now just imagine being pregnant while all of this is happening. No really, take a second to imagine being pregnant during this chaos.

All of a sudden, we’re being told to “stay home to stay safe” and we now have to be extremely cautious of who we’re around because of the fear of contracting COVID-19 and passing it to my baby.

My husband and I decided that we would not do a traditional Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering. The Governor recommended that people not gather or only gather in groups of less than 5. I’ve never missed a family gathering on a major holiday and I have to admit it was quite strange only seeing my mom and nieces/nephews. I didn’t see my sisters, uncles, aunts, or any of my husband’s family.

Spending time with family is one of the most important parts of life. When that is taken away, there are long term emotional and psychological impacts.

4. The “Ideal” Pregnancy Is Not Happening

It just ain’t happening, ya’ll. That Pinterest worthy, beautifully ethereal baby shower or gender reveal party is wishful thinking if you conceived and gave birth between, the end of 2019 and mid-2021. For years, and I mean years, I have daydreamed and imagined what my baby shower would look like. Who I would invite, the types of decorations I‘d have, and even who would throw the shower for me. Well, because of social distancing recommendations, we opted for a virtual shower. There are many people during this time who chose to have in-person showers but we decided to error on the side of caution.

Never in a million years did I imagine that I would celebrate the birth of our first child over Zoom. ZOOM, a video conferencing tool used to host meetings. The shower went fine and I felt very loved and supported but nothing can replace your close friends and family being near you.

I say close friends and family because I never wanted a big baby shower. I always imagined it being an intimate gathering but that wasn’t even an option in our state. And for those that never wanted a shower in the first place, wouldn’t it have at least been nice to have the option to have one?

5. In-Person Resources Are Limited

You have this idea about the types of activities you’ll engage in during your pregnancy and then those options are taken away. There has been no access to in-person classes like Lamaze, pregnancy yoga, or mommy and me. I understand why they have been removed but I am still allowed to mourn the loss of what I wanted my first pregnancy to be like.

I was able to do prenatal yoga from home through Amazon Prime videos. This was a great way to stretch and strengthen by pregnant body. Pregnancy yoga can be empowering which is why it was so important to incorporate it into my prenatal exercise routine. Our Lamaze/birthing class was taught at our house in a one-on-one setting versus a group setting. It was a beautiful way to prepare for baby and get all of our questions answered. I did miss being able to connect with other moms and share stories.

We found our Doula on a website called Doulamatch.com and met with her in a socially distanced coffee shop wearing masks. What does labor support even look like during a pandemic? Thankfully we were able to connect with a wonderful person who has been just what we need.

There is always the possibility that you won’t have labor support or that he or she won’t be able to join you in the hospital during active labor and delivery because COVID numbers could rise. If they rise too much, the hospital limits who can be with you in the delivery room.

We are forever grateful to live in a place with resources and people who are willing to support us during a pandemic. The access to in-person pregnancy resources are limited but there are some available that allow for some semblance of a “normal” pregnancy.

6. Prenatal Appointments Alone

Once pregnant, 6 months into the pandemic, we realized that Scott would potentially not be able to be with me in the delivery room or at my prenatal appointments.

The intent is to limit the amount of people in the hospital and thus decreasing the chances of exposure. The other side of the coin is the feeling of loneliness at what should feel like the most supported time of your life. There is a physical AND an emotional tole on the women who have to birth alone and have prenatal appointments alone.

Pregnant women are already very emotional and dealing with a roller coaster of hormones. While the medical staff are wonderful, supportive people, NOTHING can replace having your partner with you while delivering your baby or by your side at a doctor’s appointment.

My husband is also impacted. It was really hard for him to not be by my side at these appointments. Particularly because this is our first child and I have a fibroid attached to my uterus. He was visibly sad and heart broken when he was told that he could not come to all of the prenatal appointments AND that he had to miss a few of the ultrasound appointments. This is all over a year after the pandemic started.

7. You’re Not Special

My husband and I have been married for over 4 years. We intentionally waited until he finished his final year of schooling before trying to conceive.

It’s easy for others to get lost in the idea that pregnancy right now is just a result of boredom. Or from being quarantined at home for months. In light of that, I’ve heard babies referred to as “pandemic babies.”  I have to say I despise this term because it signals the notion that conception was not intentional but accidental. In some cases that may be true but we’ve waited a really long time to conceive. We planned, sacrificed, and prayed for this child. He’s not the result of boredom or being on lockdown.

As cliché as is sounds, each pregnancy is unique and each child is a gift from GOD. Each mom wants to feel special whether is her first child or her fifth child. She’s growing a life and expanding humankind. It’s an incredible feat and should not be mis-labeled as “unspecial” because of when it happened.

It’s Not All Bad

My really close friends and my sister and have been extremely supportive because they know the challenges of being pregnant. Let alone being pregnant during COVID-19.

They have sent me loving videos. Texts messages just to check in and tell me they are thinking of me. Mailed beautiful cards to my house. Stopped by to visit and stood at the door in the cold so that we could connect from a safe distance. Made blankets and baby items customized to our little Nolan. Mailed countless gifts to my house. Had Zoom calls with me. The list is endless of what these friends have done for me. It’s almost as if they have a heightened sense of the support moms need right now and they have delivered that support in droves.

My Sister is Amazing

My younger sister in particular has made a valiant and successful effort to make sure that I feel supported and special. She made sure that Nolan and I don’t get lumped in with everyone else who is having babies right now.

She even had a “Shandy Shower” in lieu of an in-person baby shower. I had 2 virtual showers: one with Scott’s family, and one with my close friends. My sister wanted to throw a shower that was just for me. I mean, wow!  (If you are reading this and trying to think of a way to make the mom-to-be feel special, have a shower where you focus solely on her since the baby shower focuses mostly on the baby.)

She made a delicious taco bar, bought all of my favorite snacks, and even bought the treats that I’ve craved during pregnancy. Glorious BBQ potato chips! She decorated her house beautifully just for my shower and had an entire table of gifts! We went to the spa where I had a pregnancy massage then came back and played a few games so I could open my (many) gifts. We went to dinner afterward at one of my favorite Italian restaurants and wrapped up the night at her house watching movies. She completely and utterly spoiled me for an entire day.

At the end of dinner, I became overwhelmed with emotion (even now my eyes are getting watery). So much of my life, particularly during this pandemic, has been others-focused. It was such a nice treat for someone to plan an entire day to make sure I felt seen during a difficult time. I am in awe of her thoughtfulness and am eternally grateful. Every woman should have a sister like mine.

Final Words

Finally, my heart desires to have the type of pregnancy that is memorable and beautiful. Something I have learned through this pandemic is that while things may not happen the way you imagined them in your head, you still have to look for beauty in the everyday things around you.

I have mourned the loss of my ideal pregnancy due to the pandemic and in return gain a new perspective on the things that really matter during this time. Feeling loved by my husband. Feeling supported by my friends. Learning to trust God. And feeling seen by my family and community.

Go forth and look for beauty in the ordinary. You’ll be amazed at what you find.